Are Housewives happier than working women?

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/lifematters/blogs/citykat/are-housewives-really-desperately-happy/20110315-1bvug.html

Are housewives really desperately happy?
March 16, 2011 - 1:48PM

Comments 50

Housewife life... not so bad?

Housewife life... not so bad? Photo: iStockphoto/ Lise GagneVacuum

Are housewives happier than working women? Should men, then, desire the housewife life?

My jaw dropped when I read this (long!) headline.

“The land that feminism forgot: They wouldn't dream of working full-time, spend three hours a day drinking coffee and their men pay for everything - have Dutch women found the secret to happiness?”

Perhaps I shouldn’t have been shocked. The Daily Mail, old social values and conservatism go hand in hand. Indeed, the ‘new’ story stems from ‘old facts’ – the referenced statistics showing very few women in The Netherlands worked full-time cropped up in 2009.

But it wasn’t until late last year that the concept captured the world’s attention, care of a book called Dutch Women Don’t Get Depressed.
Advertisement: Story continues below

(Why? They don’t work, silly!)

The Economist then found Dutch women were happily ensconced in the “cosy trap” of part-time employment. Jessica Olien in Slate wrote “they work half days, meet their friends for coffee at 2 pm, and pity their male colleagues who are stuck in the office all day.”

Well, The Daily Mail might care to note that latest figures from Statistics Netherlands suggest this ‘housewifery hang-up’ is in decline.

Apparently, there are less Dutch women choosing homemaking over work-horsing today. That’s right; The Netherlands is starting to ‘catch up’ to Australia, America and the UK. Finally, my Dutch sisters are shunning the 12-hour, part-time, economic cop-out in favour of longer days behind a desk!

So. We should be celebrating, I suppose.

Celebrating the fact that, soon, Dutch dames will join the ranks of socially emancipated slaves to the dollar…

Hm.

Is it really an achievement if more women work longer? As long as men currently do? (Are men happy working so long?)

Certainly, it’s important that women have the same opportunities as The Boys. I agree with Jessica Irvine: that women are innately opposed to seeking influence, power and status in the labour market is fundamentally incorrect.

But come on, the working world is just one sphere of this life. There's simply more to it than money and material things.

How many men would agree that it is more desirable to spend time developing a professional career instead of spending time on personal development? How many men would prefer to spend less time with their lover or their children in favour of their boss and colleagues, given the choice?

When we look at relationships, one of the most common complaints from couples is that they don’t have enough time together. Time tribulations apply to many of my single, career-focused, friend as well, men and women alike. Their love life suffers because they’re 'too busy' working up the corporate ladder - or studying - to get down in the sack. They’re too tired, too stressed and too overwhelmed to make a go of the world beyond their workplace and the people inhabiting it.

We continue to push for women’s right to work ‘like a man’ - but what if these conventional male work-standards are flawed? It’s no secret that Australia, for instance, is a sucker for unpaid overtime… are we happier because of it? Are our relationships healthier?

Personally, I believe men and women should figure out the role that speaks to them, rather than let their gender dictate their direction. And I believe there's a real chance for couples to find happiness even if it means breaking with convention - men at home, women at work can work fine.

But what do you think? Man or woman, would you prefer to be the breadwinner or homemaker? Why? Why not? And if it’s not what you’re doing now, what’s stopping you from changing – social expectations, lack of opportunity or, simply, lack of funds (living the Australian Dream doesn’t come cheap…)?

Would you be happier if housewifery made a comeback? And can men be happy housewives too?


More CK available via:
- my website
- Twitter
- Facebook

kfeeney@fairfaxmedia.com.au
Ads by Google
coming too quickly?

www.IMH.com.au

take this Free Quiz and find out. Try for Free!
Free Practice Account

www.GFT.com.au

Want to learn more about cfds? We can help. Learn More
Lead Generation Works

leadgenerationmachine.net

Turn Your Website Into A Sales Lead Power House: Watch Our Free Video!
Comments

50 comments so far

Of course most people would be happier not working, but the world doesn't work that way. I program computers both professionally and recreationally. If I weren't working, I'd be doing a lot more of the latter. I wouldn't be doing favors for the economy or my kitchen table, though. Many people don't have incomes that allow just one person to work. Both mine and my spouse's could, but from a more personal standpoint, I don't know how happy I would be in a relationship with the "wilting flower" stereotype. My spouse is my equal. She's ambitious, smart, and successful. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Alex H. | Thames, NZ - March 16, 2011, 6:02AM

I think that's the distinction some of the 'Dutch women' were trying to make though - that they weren't 'wilting', they were stronger, more personally developed, for choosing to focus life beyond the 9-5 grind...
CK | BT HQ - March 16, 2011, 12:21PM

I work. (And yes, I work in a Bank - dont hate me for it, its a job)

When I contribute to my super scheme (weekly lotto ticket), I often wonder what I would be doing if I won a shedload of cash..would I work? The answer is an emphatic NO. Strangely, a large number of people I have asked the same question of, state that they would find something in the way of work. I dont get it.
Anyway, until that day comes both my wife and I work - with the jobs that are available. We look upon them as a necessary evil to earn enough money to survive and save. As for unpaid overtime - not for me thanks. If extra work has to be done, then either A) Im inefficent - and trust me, Im not. or B) HR has got it wrong, and more people need to be hired. Quite frankly, I refuse to be a martyr for a company.
Im happy for my wife to work - and while she would rather not, there is no logical reason why she shouldnt. If she was to earn more money than me, that would be fantastic. If I didnt need to work at all, Id be a happy man.

For the sake of being controversial, Im going to throw something out there. I believe some/a lot (please read this as not all) of women have kids to deliberately avoid the workplace, and its daily grind.

CK - Im still up for that coffee if you're still offering (refer to your response in "All things being equal").
Bankman | The same chair - March 16, 2011, 7:55AM

Many women do ambition to be in domestic management. If it suits, why not.
I know a few Dutch women and they are happy with that. Marriages hang well. And they get plenty of sex.

But a few points are missed. Do women need to work.
Keeping up with the neighbors?
To have an income to be able to buy what they don't need, or even want. To afford time saving gadgets they need because they don't have time - they're at work.

No mention of the studies - that it costs for her to work.
That she needs work clothes, accessories, beauty care, transport,, the list goes on. Deduct that from her income and she works for a pittance.
In some cases, he was working to pay her to work.

Because she's at work, instead of simple cheap food, it's expencive prepared stuff. Like work for an hour to buy what could be made in 10 minutes. Same with kids lunches.
Work two hours to pay for an hours daycare.
Hours to pay for throwaway clothes that could have been cared for in minutes. Hours to buy stuff that could be home produced in minutes. Shop at convenience places, because no time to buy cheaper.
Away from the obvious, the list is endless.

Do the numbers. What are some working for. Two hours instead of one at home. To be a slave to stuff they don't need. Too make money for someone else, instead of a valuable family/relationship/homelife.

Perhaps put equality aside here.
Do the numbers and often you'd be better of, working less hours
being in domestic management
Dave - March 16, 2011, 8:40AM

I don't really like the "housewifery" term or argument or whatever. It implies that looking after the home (and, I would assume, the kids) is the main valid way to not work. And for the record, yes, men can do that role just as well as women.

But what about the rest of us? The ones who never had kids and really have no excuse not to work other than we don't really want to? What I'd like to see is it become more mainstream and accepted that we can work truly flexible hours. Regularly. Like, if I get all my work done by working 10 hours over 4 days, then I can take the fifth day of the working week off. Or one day a fortnight. That'd make a big difference for me, I reckon .. if I could do that regularly. Or even to restructure roles so that they are truly part time (and reduce the salary accordingly). That would work for me too. But there seems to be a "requirement" for me to be at my desk during the "normal" working hours most days .. just in case my boss might need something. With this age of technology, why is this still the case?

Yes, I know there are part time roles, but they're mostly in certain areas .. I'm talking about career roles that pay high salaries but giving people more flexibility. I guess from the company's perspective, it's about finding a good "asset" and getting every last drop of value out of it. Less time at work doesn't really aid in that, now does it?
Xena | Housewife wannabe - March 16, 2011, 8:48AM

OH Xena - you had me at flexible.
CK | BT HQ - March 16, 2011, 12:22PM

a large number of people I have asked the same question of, state that they would find something in the way of work. I dont get it.

A few people do measure their self worth because of their job. If it works for you, fine.
Underlying that, you're not there because the boss wants to give people jobs. You're there to make money for him. And how important is your job? Not really. If you weren't doing it, someone else would. And who knows, they may even do it better.
A few, mainly men, don't know what to do if they don't have the work routine. They severely fall to pieces when they retire.

Others, they plan on early retirement as their dream, and it works out well.

It would be a boring world if everyone was the same.
Dave - March 16, 2011, 9:02AM

No I would not be happy if housewifery made a come back!

Having made a complete mess of the workplace with their B/S HR backstabbing and their forcing the average wage down to a point where it takes two to run a family, women should not have the right to run back to the kitchen/family bubble the moment it all seems too hard leaving men (once again) with the clean up.

You lot forced this situation, it's up to you to see it through, and if that ruins your life the same way you tried so gleefully to ruin ours then tough, it's not like you weren't warned.

Don't forget we're enemies now due to women's declaration of war. We are here to compete not be partners. My home is not to be viewed as some sort of opt out safe haven for some girl who figures she couldn't be bothered anymore, it's there for me.

As for your question, men can be happily anything, including happily single. It used to be that whether a woman was cared for and happy was a man's greatest concern. It not anymore and I think you women need to square with that more than anyone.

While there are still obvious exceptions the basic rule of thumb for women is growing, that being the moment you can't compete you die. Welcome to equality, have a nice day.
Alastair - March 16, 2011, 9:23AM

Given my overseas plans for the future, it is highly likely I will end up a house husband for a short time. I say "short" time because as much as females demand equality, beyond the initial novelty, they have absolutely no respect for a man who is a house husband or who earns markedly less than them.

I don't want to poison the realtionship with equality.

Everyone keeps asking if men are ready to become house husbands, but it is a moot point. Very very few women are ready for it. They can't overcome their own programming of what a mans role is, so lets not rush out to deprogram all the guys.

Or else we will just end up with another "metrosexual" disaster. Marketed as the perfect male for females, they ended up being derided as pathetic by all, male and female alike.
Rastus | Brisbane - March 16, 2011, 9:24AM

Xena, eat your heart out. There are jobs like that. I've had two. Instead of an hourly rate, I contracted with the boss to do work to spec for agreed rate. When I had done that I went home. Was win win. I had more time to myself. He could take on more work and offer it to me. Some I accepted.

After running my own business working 16/7 or a later job on a salary to be on call 24/7, they were fantastic.
Guess you need to be able to shop around and be able to do the job that suits you lifestyle of choice.
Dave - March 16, 2011, 9:26AM